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“You will be dead for time infinity, so make your life worth it.”

“If you want your life to be gravy, then learn to mind your own biscuits at all times!”

“If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for like 7 years, you can believe in yourself for like 7 minutes.”

“In this world, criticism and judgment are inevitable, so just follow your heart and do whatever you want.”

“Never half-ass things. Whole-ass everything!”

“A clock can be broken, but it can still be correct two times in a day.”

“Do what other people don’t want to do today so that tomorrow you can do what other people can’t.”

“I absolutely need to be rich and successful in the future because I love expensive things.”

“Should I put on my fancy pants or my smarty pants today?”

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“Being drunk around the clock is actually a hard feat. Well, if drinking was that simple and effortless, everyone would do it.”

“If you want what you have never had, you must do what you have never done.”

“Not being good at something is the first step towards being kind of good at something.”

“The best way to raise your spirits is to try to raise someone else’s spirits.”

“If only life came with instructions. I bet it would be super easy!”

“Slowly inhale for 5 seconds, then exhale the bullsh*t.”

“It’s better to not speak a word and be thought of as a fool than to blurt out nonsense and remove all doubt.”

“It’s not about how old you are; It’s about how you are old.”

“Try not to overwhelm yourself with worries and problems. Trust me, you’re going to die anyway.”

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“Money isn’t really important. Love is more important. Coincidentally, I love money too.”

“Eagles may be able to soar high, but chickens never get caught in airplane engines.”

“When life throws difficult challenges at you, don’t ask ‘why me?’, say ‘try me!'”

“When life pushes you down, roll along the ground, relax, and look at the stars.”

“Your plight today will be your joke-to-tell tomorrow.”

“You’re one big pile of glorious mess. Embrace what you are!”

“Make a wish in one hand, and take a sh*t in the other. See which one gets full first.”

“There’s actually a way to hit your target at all times. Just call whatever you hit your target.”

“Accept who you are. Well, not unless you’re a serial killer.”

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“Don’t worry about succeeding the first time. Well, not unless you’re skydiving..”

“Whenever something goes haywire in your life, just yell “plot twist” and move on to the next chapter.”

“Shock all of your haters with success and bid them farewell with a smile on your face.”

“Pretending to be normal is boring. The real me is more awesome!”

“Sometimes, I think I’d be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.”

“They say good things take time. It’s probably the reason why I’m always late.”

“Who said I can’t cook? It’s clear you’ve never tasted my cereals yet.”

“You don’t have to fear perfection because you’ll never reach it.”

“Haters just admire how everyone loves you irresistibly.”

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“It’s funny how nobody notices what you do until you don’t do it.”

“Make it your goal to reach the ripe age of 100. It’s a known fact that very few people die beyond that point.”

“Whatever you do in life, make sure it makes you happy.”

“Hating me doesn’t make you pretty.”

“Never announce your moves before you make them.”

“To be the best you must be able to handle the worst.”

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”

“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.”

“There are far better things ahead than the ones we leave behind.”

“I’m so cool, even ice cubes are jealous!””

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